i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
