The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
