About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
