i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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