you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
