We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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