Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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