Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
