So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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