I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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