He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
