if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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