is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need water and some morals
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