Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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