Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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