I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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