You're my little dorito
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
