I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
