so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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