I heard we made out
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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