he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
