Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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