dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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