I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
