at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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