I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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