I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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