I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
