I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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