yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
