you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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