Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
