He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
