Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
