So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
