dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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