my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
