i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
