i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
