FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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