why didn't you poke me back
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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