im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
