I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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