Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
