You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
