FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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