Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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