Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
