I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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