I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize