i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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