Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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