After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
