Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
