I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
