he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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