life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He kissed a someone with a penis
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
