Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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