Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I stole a fireplace last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
