I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
