Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
