Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
