I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
