Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
