There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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