If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i will never coherently bang her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
