I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
