I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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