Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
